sometimes I feel this is indestructible
this melancholy pattern
I can't break it and
I can't turn it off
I can pretend it's alright but only for a while
there are remedies which seem so far away
like solidarity and security of money, time, shelter or
like a love so seemingly perfect but it's out of reach
and I'm constantly finding ways to make it seem easy
but it's not real
like everything else being too good to be true
or whatever's within my grasp
I push away for fear of
wrong decisions
I bought a compass to tell me where to go but it never tells me anything.
I wish there was a guarantee that short term sacrifices secure long term happiness.
but who really knows the truth
I could be doing this all in vein
Are my efforts in vein?
Will this ever really pay off?