and in speaking to myself, I must say...
THE PAST IS DONE
GET OVER IT

I don't think you realize how hard it was for me to let you go. we no longer have an anniversary, but that date still shows up everywhere. I can't fall asleep anymore until I'm too tired to even speak or successfully place myself in a suitable position. I miss too many things. You were so warm at night. All I ever wanted was to be honest with you and for you to respect me. I know we're completely different but I often wonder if we could have made it work. I guess right now it's good that we don't talk to each other, but I don't want to have to disappear and I don't want you to feel that it's necessary. I can't understand why you're so concerned about my life when you've obviously moved on. I hope she's perfect and I hope you don't try to change her. I hope over time you'll forget how awful I am.


I should delete this. I am not going to.

I am so destroyed and I shouldn't be. what is my stupid fucking problem. I caused all this shit. fuck me
goddamn if I ever hated myself it's right now.