I'm really sick.
I just watched Arrested Development alone for three hours.

Miso soup

mewithoutyou is so good.
Mt. Fuji sushi is so good.
Karaoke is so good.
I finally know a handfull of girls I don't want to see skullfucked by Jack the Ripper.
Sean Ward is the best dudefriend ever.
I am miserable.
fuck you sad music.
fuck my below zero self-esteem

It's really nice to be around people who have different opinions about things and don't make you feel like shit. I love these people.


I have never felt so completely disgusted by myself. I hope I don't embarrass myself somehow.
Oh and I just got so sick feeling that I threw up. That shit is not supposed to happen.

Electric Feel

I'm getting really excited to be an Aunt. I started planning Audrey's baby shower today.
Tomorrow I get to see mewithoutyou at the Khyber. Probably going to hang out with Christian because why not, and then I will meet Joe to see the show, then perhaps stay the night at Sean's. I need to meet some chicks to be friends with. I need to not spend any money. I need to stop being a depressed little baby.

The heat is back on in my car. fuck yeah.

I have turned into a loser/failure/disappointment.

Goodbye first love.
Hello rest of my goddamn going-to-be-miserable-for-a-while rest of my life.

terminal deity

Everything is even more confusing right now.
I miss Alicia a lot.

476

So today Brandon and I woke up and immediately went to get food since we were starving. I hardly slept last night, so I was pretty tired. Wendy's did NOT have baked potatoes.
I dropped him off and went to Joe Benzon's house, then we went to Jon's house and watched videos and movies all night. It pretty much ruled. I didn't want to leave. I got Brandon after he was done working, we got Subway veggie delights, and headed home on the worst trip ever (snowwwwww ugh) and hated life for three hours. I wanted to stay at his place and venture home in the morning, but of course he didn't want to and whatever he says goes. fuck. I'm a pussy bitch who doesn't like being yelled at.
We got here, turned the heater on, I made awesome cranberry apple hot tea, watched Home Improvement, and now I'm getting ready to sleep. Brandon's on the computer and getting pissy that I'm going to bed without him. Monday is going to be so fucking great-Graf Orlock plus hanging with Joe Benzon, Liam,nand some other awesome people. I start school Tuesday...mannnnn.

I need money.

coming up

This Thursday def going to see mewithoutyou at the Khyber

fuckingfuck

I'm miserable tonight. I'm starving and cold.
That's pretty much it.

It's too cold outside.

Brandon's still here. He's so sick; I hope I don't get sick.
I went to Angelo's for about an hour, but I am pretty poor so spending cash was not an option.
I need to do a few things-
-make chocolate chip cookies for Joe Benzon (hope to see him Saturday or Monday)
-make something for Kevin Hare's birthday just cuz
-go to gram's
-get a job
-make brownies
-buy a small sugar free confection for Liam


I need to write this down since I modified a recipe on paper and don't want to lose it.

Carrot cake

4 eggs
2 cups shredded carrot
2 cups sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon

beat eggs and sugar
add oil
add sifted dry ingredients
mix in carrots

bake 325 40 minutes

icing

1 lb confectioner's sugar
8 oz cream cheese
1 stick butter
2 tsp maple syrup
1 tbsp brown sugar

sweet

The search goes on

No job, no plans.
I am taking sick-as-a-dog B. home tomorrow. I guess maybe I will just stay there until Saturday. I hope he has work every night.
I've been watching "Bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmern" pretty much all day. He just ate cowskin soup.
I really want an apple right now, but all mine that I left in the car FROZE and they are now appsicles.

Let me tell you, Celestial assorted fruit teas are great. The tangerine orange zinger and the raspberry zinger are pretty awesome.

Civil War

A couple of my favorite pictures from last week -

Also, this is what makes me a nerd.


Alton Brown keeps saying "Dutch Oven" and I keep laughing because I'm a five year old.
Brandon's sick. I feel bad and helpless.

I found an awesome studio apartment in Philly. It's either find a job here or find one there and completely change everything.
FACKK





Tomorrow's To Do List-
-wake up and call DMV for Brandon
-go back to sleep
-get dressed and maybe go to Laundromat because my clothes are fucked
-go to Hotel and apply for job
-send replies to apartments and jobs
-eat La Tolteca with Scott Roseberry and Brandon Setta
-drink too much Green and Passion tea

New beginning

I need to keep track of my life somehow, and my memory fails me often, so I figure I will post pointless things so I can remember without hurting my brain.
This past week has been something else. I did Karaoke for the first time, and I watched a hockey game for the first time (on TV) as well.

I've been trying to decide whether or not I want to take classes this semester. I really need a job. Getting fired is an awful feeling.
I hate this weather, but I have hope that I won't live in shitty Wilkes Barre for too much longer. I'll probably move to Philly soon, and while it will further add to the complications of my relationships, I think in the end it will be better for me. I wish I knew how to stop being so selfless all the time. Maybe I'm not selfless and it just appears that way. I fucking confuse myself so much.
Anywayyyyy, I've decided that I've got to get away from the people that make me feel so worthless and start surrounding myself with the ones that give me hope that I'm not a bad person. This week just spending time with Sean Ward/Katie and Joe Benzon made me really really happy, then last night with Vicky and Donald. Great great people.
I've been thinking that if I have any extra money I want to get a sweet tattoo of one of my favorite things ever, and it will definitely make me out to be an even bigger nerd.
It's snowing, and I'm not loving it. I do have to say though, I've always hated this weather but it's fucking beautiful outside.
I put on a tank top and shorts to make it seem more like summer. I feel like shit though. fuck I hate my fat face. I need to get back to the gym. I also need to start a new sleep pattern. Maybe I will finish the Metamorphosis tonight since Brandon gave it to me like a two months ago.
I was supposed to see Bayside tonight, but I can't even make it to Hazle St. and back safely.
BUT April 18 NFG/Bayside/Verse!

playlist tonight-
the Smiths
Pomegranates
Russian Circles
Dillinger 4
Placebo
Elliott Smith